singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
