no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
