Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
