I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
