i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
