How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Drunk is not a location!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
