I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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