I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
