it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
