4 words: hood of his car
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
