I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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