I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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