Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
