So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
