DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
