I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
