i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
