I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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