I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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