so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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