I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
