I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Enjoy the penises
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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