scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
