idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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