Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
