Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
