i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
