my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
