he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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