i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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