Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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