Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
