none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think a kid would responsible me up
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize