sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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