It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
