If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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