Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
