I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
