Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize