i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
