just come out here and I will go home with you...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
