Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
