you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
