I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
