why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
