i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize