I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
