It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
