dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So much Jack, so little girl.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
