i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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