the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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