let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
