The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's Friday. Sex?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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