I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
