After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
