Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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