So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize