i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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