I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
