I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
