I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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