Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
