At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
