apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
