Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
