A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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