I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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