we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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