New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
