those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
