Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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