the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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