Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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