I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
