I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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