I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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