her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
