i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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