I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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