so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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