Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
