are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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